I'm back...not sure for how long...but, at least for today..I'm sayin' I'm back!

Oooo...my feet are so cold right now. I know. I should totally go get my socks on or at least walk less than 10 feet to get a blanket, right? WRONG! If I go get that blanket or those cozy socks, then I'll hafta pick up the kid's clothes on the floor and get me somethin' to drink. Ya know what that'd mean, my loyal peeps? That'd mean that there'd be no blog. I gotta blog.

Not sure what to blog about, but I just gotta do it.

Many things have changed since I last blogged on this site. Like, I totally have new glasses. And, I love them. Even my mom who HATES glasses thinks that these are stylish. She still doesn't like 'em, but she at least admits they are stylish. I think I resemble Cat Woman. Or a scary school cafeteria lady from the 1950s. Depends on the day. I mean, when I wear my hair net...I totally look like I belong in a lunchroom.

Also, I turned 30!! I'm not sure if any of you wigged out over being 3-0, but I was a bit nervous about it. I just believe that 3o was this age of boringishness and responsibility. I'm just not down with that, friends. Nope. I like to run away from those words. I mean, run fast. fast! But, my day came, and my sweet lover of a husband threw me an amazing party. It was more than amazing it was perfect. And, I gotta say...I'm likin' this age. It's been my favorite number. It hasn't been a month, but my stars! It's been a good month!

There's more stuff that's changed, but I don't wanna bore you with the details. Because, I'm 3o now and I'm determined not to bore the ones I love.

Sooo...

I'm having tons o' fun trying to figure out this homeschooling stuff. I mean, I stress out and beat myself up at times, but I'm totally diggin' it. Andrew is 4 (soon to be 5!) and Gracie girl turned 3 in August. So, right now we're just having fun. I love learning with them. I mean, did you know that a beaver makes a loud BAM sound with its tail in the water to warn the beaver family that danger is near? Okay, everyone knows that one. I'll think of one in a sec that you guys didn't know. Just wait.

Okay, I'm listening to this bluegrass station on my computer, and this song "Joleen" is playing. I don't remember the last time I heard this song, but I know it's been ages. I just know that I always sing it when my friend Carol talks about her friend in Florida Charlene. I sing Charlene instead of Joleen. It makes me laugh. Hey sunshine Carol! If you're reading this, then CALL ME and buy me CHOCOLATE RIGHT NOW!!!!

Anyway....

Does everyone know that I'm a coalminer's daughter?

My dad has worked in the mines as an electrician for...umm...forever. Yes, you can sing that song to me next time you see me.

I just recently have obtained this obsession for diamonds. I mean, if you know me at all you know that I'm not the jewelry wearing kind of girl. I'm not flashy, and I'm not really in need of sparkly things on me. Well, I do think I'd like sparkly body glitter, but I'm too thrifty to spend even a dollar on it.

It's weird. I was spending some time in prayer. And, in a quiet moment I saw this picture of a diamond. A diamond? I mean, seriously? A diamond? Sounds whack to me. I totally believe Christ is the diamond and I'm the greyish blobber blob.

I mean, I always picture me kindof blobbish. No real form. No real detail or sharpness. I don't know if any of you have a secret hidden ugly picture of yourself. But, that is my picture. And, I love that the mighty, strong and amazing Creator of all beautiful things would love this blob of a blob.

Never would I ever think of myself as a diamond of worth though.

It's a Biblical way of thinking though. I think. My great deeds are as filthy rags, yet He sees my clean and blameless. Like other bloggers have said...He sees Christ in me...

I just don't quite get it. I can't fully wrap my self-centered brain around this thought.

Rereading this blog is so difficult. It seems so basic, eh?

You know what I learned about diamonds? Again, something EVERYONE knows. They can only be sharpened by another diamond.

He is so lovely. So strong. And, I'm so stinking needy and desperate for a change in the way I think.

I love the thought of His truth washing the dirt off this jewel.

I'm not really sure I have explained this correctly.

It's kindof like that new white robe thought. I keep thinking "but I'm gross!!!"

Oh, Precious is the flow that makes me white as snow!

It's a thought that delights me, but I just don't quite get it.

As always - thoughts, quotes and Scripture are always always appreciated and needed.

Oh, and ya gotta just gotta scroll down this page and check out the pick on the very bottom of the page! It's gorgeous! You're gonna love it!

I remember holding my sweet son in my arms as a newborn baby. I don't remember if he loved to be held or if I just loved holding him. I think it was both. I remember singing to him, kissing his perfect cheeks, and I remember praying for him. I remember longing for the day to tell him about Jesus. "Let him know you soon, Lord." I've prayed it over and over again for both my kids. I know that a true relationship with my Lord and Savior will be the only thing that gives them hope and true peace in this rotten world. And, I've prayed for people to come into their lives to tell them this truth. Selfishly though, I have hoped that I could be there when the questions come.

Monday was a perfect example of this rotten world. I got caught up in myself. I fleshed out quite a bit. I was grumpy. I got anxious over a few things. I cried a bit over feeling inadequate.

Can I just say I hate days like that?

I fixed dinner, and was so overwhelmed with this frustration of my failures that I had to leave the kitchen without eating with my husband and kids.

I rushed to the master bedroom and shut the door. Somehow I ended up sitting in the shower. I thought about actually taking a shower. Usually that helps me shake off the tears, but this time I wanted to feel the tears on my face.

I struggled with my thoughts and prayed a great deal. I was determined not to leave that tiny bathroom until God showed up. Although, I did consider climbing out the window and leaving, but as I was about to make my escape I heard the kids outside the window. Back to the shower. I suppose He didn't want me to leave either. I just wanted Him to give me the grace to love on my kids for a few more hours - even though I didn't feel like it.

He did show up.

He gave me that peace that passes all understanding.

So, I went outside to watch the kids play for a few minutes. I told Dean-o that I was okay, and that he could go rest if he needed (he was up 'til the wee hours the night before).

It was almost bath time. Dean went to bed early.

Andrew was sitting on the floor. He looked up at me and asked my why Jesus had to die on the cross.

It wasn't eloquent like I imagined when he was a newborn in my arms. I fumbled quite a bit, and over explained myself more than I can express.

But, he listened. We actually talked about Salvation and the need for Christ's death for 45 minutes. It was both awkward and beautiful.

He didn't accept Christ as his personal Savior Monday, but I'm overjoyed y'all. I am actually about to boo hoo just thinking about it.

I will post more details of the conversation soon.

I just wanted to share an amazing story of God "showing up."

I really do have so much to tell about what He is doing in my life, but I'm just not the best at expressing these thoughts on paper or web.

Oh, and I also hate talking about Andrew and not my sweet Gracie girl. She is a gem, and I love that girl so much.

To me this post is just about how much God loves me, ya know?

He loves me so much, and I just don't get it, ya know?

It has been a sunshiney week over here. The kiddos have played outside lots. The garden has been worked on tons (by Rebekah Burroughs and Jeremy's wife, Regina...a wee bit from me). It has been great to watch the kids play. Dean graduates from SEBC next Friday. He took his final last Tuesday. We had a surprise luau (sp?) waiting for him when he got home. It was fabulous weather for it. I love love sunshiney days. What can I say? They put me in a sunshine silly willy mood.

But, right now it is raining. And, I gotta say that I love the rain. Not only is it healthy for the garden, but it is also healthy for me too. I enjoy looking out the window. I'm not really too much of a dreamer for the future. I just like enjoying the warmth of the sun or the leaves blowing in the fall. I need the rain though. I feel like it slows my thoughts down a notch or two, and makes me listen. It sounds so nice right now. The kids are taking a nap, and here I sit. Smiling and trying to just listen.

It really is hard for me to listen. I was talking to -G for a short bit this morning about it. It is so hard to know if I'm being honest with the Lord or if I'm just being manipulative. Can I just tell you how scared I am of my thoughts? I don't think I'm making much sense. I'm not sure how to describe it. I ache to be quiet with my Friend and Savior. I long to hear His truth, but I'm so afraid of interfering His thoughts. Any thoughts, Scripture or books you guys can bring is always appreciated.

Argh. Blogging my heart is so hard.

I'm with Michelle. I can't wait to be in Heaven. I'm tired of my flesh, fears and especially this world.