Christmas 2005 was good and hard for me. Have you had a Christmas like that? I've had a few Christmas's like that. My family has experience a lot of death since my childhood, and sometimes the holidays for us we would secretly cry and worry how the other members of the family were doing more than just really enjoy the sweet meaning of Christmas.

Anyway, 2005 was the year of Katrina. I remember when it hit. I was on a Beth Moore retreat with some close friends. Her topic was love, and I remember during the sessions my otter side getting energized. I was ready to bump my love for others notch a level up a bit. You know, be a bit more thoughtful and considerate. Pursue people more. I dunno. Spread more of God's hope and love.

The second night of the retreat I got a call from Dean. He said that Katrina knocked out the power of his mom's trailer. Dean's mother (I'll refer to her as "Ma" the rest of the story) had COPD, and was on oxygen 24/7. She needed electricity to not just "survive" but to live. He told me he was going to pick her up and that she'd live with us for a while. This was all good to me. I felt like the Lord had prepared my heart to love Ma like I'd never loved before. I was determined to serve her and love her like Christ would love her. Dean left Friday on an 9 hour drive. Arrived in DeRidder (where his eldest sister lives) Saturday morning - in the wee hours - to drop off some emergency items to help his family survive. Picked up Ma and returned to Alabama Sunday. I returned Sunday as well.

She stayed with us from September to the end of November. During those short months my children were ill, and one time had to make a trip to the er with Andrew. I had unexpected (kinda serious) emergency surgery. My great-grandmother (who took care of me in my elementary years) died. My grandfather was in poor health. Ma was extremely ill as well. There were several trips to the er with her, many ambulance rides for her, and oh! The doctor and pharmacy trips. I was a wreck, and still feel like I failed loving her the way I should have. argh! And, here I go! I'm crying over it again. She was such a tough and wonderful woman.

It was such a hard season for me. Like I said, we took her to Louisiana. She didn't want to go back. But, we promised her that we would come back to get her in the spring. She needed to see her doctor in Louisiana. We were hoping to get more things in order here also for her to live with us. She really needed a hospital bed (she was sleeping in our living room recliner every night).

We found out that she'd taken herself off some of her medication when we arrived in Louisiana to drop her off with his sister. Her health declined rapidly that weekend. She needed care 24/7 after that. I cried over it, but we were forced to put her in a nursing home in LA.

So, a few weeks pass it was time for Christmas. I was so desperate for some hope, and a different way to view God. I know that it is so silly, but I read the Chronicles of Narnia books for some hope and encouragement. The movie Narnia came out that Christmas, and I remember praying in the car that it would be a great movie to bring me some sort of joy again. I needed to see Christ in a silly movie. I was so sad and needed to know he cared.

I loved th movie. I still do. Well, I haven't seen it since then. We thought the kiddos were maybe ready to watch it. So, we checked it out from the library. They weren't ready for it yet (the wolves made my boy jump out of his seat). So, we didn't see it all. We did show them the part where the children first meet Narnia. I cried.

He knows me so well.

Anyway, I needed y'all to know this because I just saw the Prince Caspian trailer yesterday. I'm probably gonna make a BIG deal about it. Prince Caspian definitely isn't my favorite book, but I'm still stoked about it.

We were not able to visit his mom again until Easter. Her health continued to decline. We made an emergency trip to Louisiana in May, and she went to be with our wonderful Maker while we were there. Her children surrounded her. Read her Scripture and prayed for her in her final moments. It was difficult and beautiful.

I miss her. She is so much fun to talk about, and we laugh about her lots. She was a hoot!

My PaPa (umm..pronounced paw paw), died this year. Christmas is going to be extremely difficult for my family. Please. Please pray for them this season.

I know many of us have loved ones that we miss so much that our heart aches for them. Isn't it wild that we miss them so much the day when we are celebrating the One that gives us life? I just thought of that.


Anyway, sorry for tone of this blog. Blame it on Yahoo for showing the Trailer this week.

I really love this blog world so much.

hmmm...This entry also makes me wanna get my sisters Sunshine, Regina and Emily and hug 'em real big. They were such a beautiful support for me then. They did all they could to help me live.

The Lord is so good to me.